1. I will learn to say "next!"
Plain and simple, the world is full of men. Everywhere you turn, there’s a man. Look – there goes one now! A wise woman once told me that men are like city buses: If you miss one, there will always be another. I decided that, from now on, I would not assign any man too much meaning too early on. I am not going to worry that I won’t find "it" again. I will not worry that I’ll end up in a rocking chair surrounded by cats and empty wine bottles. I will remember that there will always be another.
2. I will expect more and tolerate less
Not all men are self-loathing, egocentric, cheating bastards. In fact, most people have a lot more good to them than bad, and by and large, will live up to the expectations you set for them. Not since junior high have I worried that a friend would hurt or disappoint me. But with men, it’s been a constant fear. I realized that this was all because of expectations. If I did not expect – or even demand – that a man treat me right, he probably wasn’t going to. I’m not talking about princessy stuff here, like buying me dinner or calling by Tuesday if he wants to see me on Saturday. I’m talking about basic good treatment. Like following through with plans. Or being aware of my feelings. Or not leaving his cell phone on another girl’s nightstand and telling me he’d lost it. You know, common consideration. And when common consideration is breached? Next!
3. I will get busy
Because men are wired differently and may as well live in a different time zone, playing the "why hasn’t he called?" game is a guaranteed express trip to Crazytown. Why hasn’t he called? Who knows? But I do know that I should be too busy to worry about it. Untapped potential was like my emotional saddlebags – unattractive even if no one noticed it but me. I resolved to make plans, resurrect my hobbies and spend my time doing and thinking and being. If he calls, great! If not, I will be way too occupied with all my fabulous self-fulfillment to notice.
4. I will not play it cool
To keep myself from feeling exposed and vulnerable, I’d gotten very good at using the phrase "that’s okay" when it was really, really not okay. There were so many times I didn’t get angry when I should have, for fear of coming off as too emotional or unhinged. Well, you know what? Unhinge this! If the situation calls for it, and the difference between sucking it up and having a bit of a blowup could be months of festering in a foul mood, I’m going to let him have it. The same goes for positive emotions. If a man does something to delight me, I’m going to act delighted. Forget cool sophistication! And if he gets weirded out by all of my emoting? You guessed it: Next!
5. I will lighten up
The pursuit and maintenance of coupling may have made me do surprising things, but even more astounding was what it made me forget. I am pretty damn awesome. I am funny and talented, and I look pretty smokin’ in jeans and stilettos. Getting caught up in the worry of trying to please a man, and working overtime to postpone an inevitable breakup is a huge time-waster. And a killjoy. A man’s opinion of me is not more important that my own opinion of myself, so I shouldn’t take it so seriously. I will remember to laugh more, worry less and like who I am – man or no man – and to redirect some of that energy into pleasing myself.
by Heather Hunter for iVillage
